


All you'd ever want

by nea_writes



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Canon Universe, Coercion, Gen, Manipulation, Sweet briar looks like a poor imitation of poppies, at least I think so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 13:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13412694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nea_writes/pseuds/nea_writes
Summary: Allen's learned who the Earl truly is, but in this play made for love it is the role of the White Pierrot to put the Auguste clown in his place.





	All you'd ever want

**Author's Note:**

> DGM updated and as always, I'm inspired to write something new. Someone asked me if Mana truly loved Allen, and [this was my response.](http://nea-writes.tumblr.com/post/169849262231/do-you-think-that-mana-loved-allen)
> 
> Then, I wondered, if Allen would condemn Mana once again because he 'should' or because it was 'for the best.' Neah, of course, has something to say on the matter. He always does.

_We have to,_ Neah said, relentless. There was this smoke in his words, this charcoal fragility, harsh and unyielding at first glance, but when touched soft as ashes. _I’ll do it._

“No,” Allen said, uncaring that he spoke to no one and nothing. Neah didn’t exist, really. But then again, neither did ‘Allen.’

 _You can’t do it_ , Neah sneered, lips curling back, leonine. _You love him._ The way he said it, it sounded filthy. Not obscene, but as if Allen was pathetic for it.

He was. Allen smiled down at his hands. ‘Smile,’ Mana had always said. The name he called him could vary, but Mana had always insisted he smile.

 _Don’t you understand what will happen if we don’t?_ Allen could almost feel Neah’s sentiments. If he closed his eyes he could swear that Neah was there, one hand cupping Allen’s scarred cheek and the other his side, holding him intimately close. It was a threat, like the way a cat held its prey on its back, soft stomach bared for teeth and claws. _Just give up. You can close your eyes._ Neah smiled, a ghostly sensation. _I won’t even begrudge you for it._

It wasn’t lost on Allen that Neah was bargaining. That he resorted to this was not because Neah didn’t have the will to force Allen to succumb back to that golden paradise, so like the fields of Asphodel, but because Neah himself didn’t have the heart to. They were brothers, after all; Mana and Neah, halves of a man who cried at sunsets too beautiful to bear alone anymore.

Neah had a heart that still bled.

Neah’s other hand drifted up and cupped his other cheek, framing Allen’s face in the warmth of Neah’s grasp. _You’re a fool,_ Neah said, _a damn fool. You can’t do it and you know it, but you insist that you will. Don’t be stupid, Allen._

Allen’s hands nearly jerked to cover Neah’s. The sensation felt so real. “I know,” Allen said.

 _Do you think you’ll be celebrated for it?_ Neah demanded. _Do you think anyone will give you honors or thank you? Patricide is one of the most condemnable acts a son can commit, Allen. You’ll always be judged for it._

“Does that make you my uncle?” Allen asked, lips curving upwards, eyes still closed.

Neah exhaled sharply. _Don’t play at cute, Allen, you’re much better at it when you don’t try._

It was a statement so close to what Mana might say that Allen was inadvertently hurt by it. He was mourning, even now.

Neah must’ve known, because he inexplicably softened. _You will never be absolved of this,_ Neah said, thumbing Allen’s cheek with such tender affection that it wrenched at Allen’s heart once again. _You will never be forgiven, not by me nor by those you love. Their words will never touch that wretched place in your heart._

 _You hate yourself,_ Neah continued, and Allen attempted to pull away, heart quickening. _Don’t deny it Allen, it’s obvious to anyone who looks. Do you think making yourself suffer changes anything? The past will remain,_ Neah dug his fingers into Allen’s face, anchoring him there. _You can’t change it, Allen, not even you._

“That’s not it,” Allen said, a pathetic attempt at a lie.

Neah grinned. _You free akuma. You hunt down the Noah and attempt to purge them of their sin. You forgive everyone who crosses your path, and you lay yourself down again and again. Do you enjoy it?_ Neah whispered. _Do you like feeling yourself break apart, into glass and splinters and reliefs ruined by time? It’s beautiful, knowing that everything inside you is shattered._ Neah’s hand traced down to Allen’s chest, palm flat over his heart. _You love it._

“That’s not it!”

_Then why else? What other reason do you have? You’re not noble. You don’t care about the world, if it's saved or not. You don’t even hate me, and I’ve murdered your blood and kin._

“Shut up.”

_I love you, Allen. I don’t want you to hurt anymore._

“Shut up!”

_We have to do this. You know we do. Or do you want to kill him a third time?_

“Neah, for the love of God, please!”

_You’re sick with love, do you know that?_

“Neah…”

_Mana’s suffering like this. That’s not him. Not really._

“Stop…”

_The Mana we knew and loved isn’t coming back._

“...”

_Don’t be stupid, Allen._

Softly, he began to cry.

Neah’s arms twined around him, and everywhere he touched it felt like Allen’s skin split open and bled, bright red rivulets that trickled down Allen’s body with the warmth of something living. It was as if Neah was slowly enclosing him in sweet briar roses. 

Neah kissed his forehead and soothed back his hair.

 _I know,_ Neah said. _I know, I know. So let me do it for you, Allen._

Nestled against his hair, Neah smiled.

“I’ll do it for you,” Neah said, in Allen’s voice. “Because you loved him when I wasn’t there to."

**Author's Note:**

> nea_chi | twitter  
> nea-writes | tumblr


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